Why I left

I know they grieve
over my "leave"
but I actually never left.
I was blown
thrown
shown out
gossipped about
for being me
for thinking free.
ostracized
penalized
analyzed
under a disguise
of pity.
I did not fit into the community.
they wonder if I'll return
perhaps their falsehood I'll relearn
to the restriction I'll yearn
but I can't come back
to their attack
retrace my track
when I never left.
I was tossed
bossed
with maps but lost
too much of a cost
to maintain
too difficult to wash my brain
with their logic so insane
so I was sent
to build my own tent
which was meant
to make me realize
my small brain's size
that they were right
but I saw how tight
were those minds
permanently pulled blinds.
started seeing light of day
so I preferred to stay..
they ask when I'll come visit
but I never did exit
I was expelled
screamed at, yelled
repelled
(maybe I smelled..?)
pushed away
hoping my queerness would decay
banished
way before I vanished..
rejected neglected
they wanted to be protected
of my bad influence
our views weren't in congruence.
I was dismissed
dissed
they were pissed
clenched their fist
over my non conformist
deviance.As soon as I was grown
it was time to disown
directed to the door
treated with medicine of ignore
unconditional hate
refused to abate
that would be my fate
until I repent- if not too late.
I was gone
done
acknowledged by none
around them but alone
My presence a shadow
Same whether I'd come or go
they claim I'm "there"
but I'm right here
of a return ticket bereft
cuz I never left.

Once a cheater, always a cheat,
just like a hoarder will never be neat
as the procrastinator will always be later
a leopard with spots won't square its dots.

 

No matter what a man has in store
he will only want more
girls galore
cuz less is a bore
like yaakov had wives 4
there are always new anatomies to tour

 

more assets to desire
of ownership never tire
possessions to acquire ..
with a "background" of under-wire

 

it's not about size, figure or look
it's all about having a place where to hook
not about her spirit character or soul
all she needs is a pulse and a hole. 

 

I try to surround myself with ppl rather sweet
I have some awesome buddies, who consider me a treat
but it's the stray jerks with brains in their feet
who inspire my sadder posts and tweets 

 

Joeli Schwartz's try wherever u let them in
all entrances and exits round n round they spin
but amidst their triumphant playerish grin
true love they continuously fail to win

 

 change it to, normal girls they fail to catch
it doesn't take much a new egg to hatch
anyone can pull their layers off
it takes substance to maintain, past a bored cough. 

I is waiting
but the bus dont coming
i is here for a time so long.
i is tired with bag so heavy
then I see
i is looking for one bus- the wrong

The sham beneath the glam

You think I'm pretty, but In essence I'm ugly.
.
Listen up fools,
without all the jewels
I'm not nearly as cool
I'm a joke- almost cruel.
.
Under that artificial orange tan
hides a colorless albino woman.
.
beyond the foundation
blooms an acne corporation
a hollow population
below the inflated cheek station.
.
My biological makeup
got lost under all that cakeup.
if you dig into the 7 layer cream
a finger print you'll redeem
.
Implants of silicone
tampering of the nasal bone
does it get any more phony
than plastic surgery?
.
the world is suddenly of mustard very fond
hence the raging custard blonde
if u search beyond
you'll drown in a brunette pond.
.
oral cavities  by white-out reached
natural pearls now soaked in bleach
the president of peroxide strips should be impeached
.
charming smile lines a thing of the past
botox has arrived at last.
.
crows feet
are no longer neat
melt them under excruciating heat
for preemie skin is the treat
.
blinking is now painful every time the lids mash
thanks to false disney lash
.
a poufy hair gel spritz
hides a lot of frizz - possibly nits
please don't pull my stiff extensions
it may cause instant baldness, I have to mention..
.
when u have raw beauty so pure
why mess with nature?
unnecessarily invent a cure,
as long as you're not stroking facial fur
wouldn't u prefer
health over some risky cartilage blur
of which results 1 can never be sure..

this divulgence may have  freaked you out
no doubt
but what this revelation is about
I'm here to shout
is an integrity drought.
our society is after something that doesn't exist
of what do we consist?
so when you fantasize about that next meal
stop & think how much of it is real.
that tempting piece of steak
is FAKE.

Be clever, it can make you famous or ruin you forever

facebook for many is an ego booster
It causes the self esteem to rise like the morning rooster
you get immediate applause from a crowd
without the distracting flashing lights or noise so loud
you pretend to casually humbly muse
while gloating on the attention with kicked off shoes
nobody dreams you just pulled off a ruse
but for some-
with statuses so dumb
that pop hourly like gum
or photos no more edible than a crumb
show that their brains are just the size of a baby's thumb.
So think before you post,
it's fascinating if you just had a convo with a ghost
but before you wanna boast
about your sun-tanned epidermal roast
is it worth it to spread over the global coast?
you might not wish to publicize that you always burn your toast.

waxy tears

1. a gleamy candle near me casts its eerie glow
2. the only waxen piece to witness a lonely tear flow
3. as it reflects in the drip on the side of my cheek
4. my own eye can't see it cuz it's too blurred to peek
5.  by day so distracted, so overwhelmed by bright rays
6. at night the silence roars as the creepy shadow sways
7. it fogs up the sharp hues in a mixture of grays
8. zooming in reality to a burning style haze
9. are occurences these days, just a passing phase
10. or is this all an illusion in a bubble of glaze?
11. I hide in the dark corners, my mind in a daze
12. how is such a contrast possible from night to the days
13. this weak wick tells me as its flame aligns with my sob streak
14. I actually view life sharper when in blackness light I seek
15. I see then it's all a fantasy, merely a magic show
16. till a tender breeze sneaks in, the candle's warmth to blow 

vicious possessions

that wooden worn broom
pains my pupil like a cross eyed zoom
the innocent vase of mehogany
fills my heart with agony
the stiff hanger with that dry cleaned shirt
reminds me of grazing hurt
those shiny fashionable belts
brings up horrific images of welts
the polished leather shoe
makes me see black and blue..
a manicured extended nail
has the power to make
me go pale.
a porcelain doll so sweet
makes my heart fearfully beat
an umbrella so colorful and sleek
can create a mood quite bleak...

for that broom almost broke my nose
and that vase once crushed my toes
the wire hanger made my arms bleed
the belt was a consequence for any unapproved deed.
a pointy shoe used to kick with force in my rear
and those sharp nails deep in my flesh would tear.
my playmate dolly was thrown violently on my feet
an umbrella tip did my skull harshly meet

the trauma relives itself
as on stray items I trip
staring at me from every shelf
into disturbed distraction I slip
random belongings a
nightmare trigger
trivial in appearance -
their power much bigger
pretending I'm blind, to find a semblance of
peace
the abuse forever haunts, in every crevice and crease.

Where again, did my years go?

I'm 80 & where did my years go?
what have I done in my life -oh?
thought I'd never reach this age
i'd remain in my infantile stage
but.I'm 80 & where.did those years go.
who took an iron to my face & pressed
so deeply I dont.recognize this mess
I search beyond the shallow pond
beneath the grey brittle fuzz that was once blonde
& find nothin else to boast about
other than 80 birthdays- but growth? i doubt
in which cave did I hibernate
what hospital treated my coma fate?
I fear.. I awoke too late
post departure I've reached the gate!
 I rock my wicker chair
& feel a stale, long-retired tear
cuz. I'm 80 & i don't know how I got here
how'd journey go so fast?
i thought.my youth would.forever last
didn't dream the future converts into past
thought I could rock the over-sized onesie
float in pink florals with bows above the knee
but at eighty, they no longer suit me
I wish I made more of each year
when my mind was still fresh and clear
left a mark for the passengers in the rear
 to face the end with pride & not fear
I viewed life -In my defense
 as one long run on sentence
but it was written on limited space
and this unpunctuated statement also has an end
death is not an out of vogue trend
instead I'm losing this accelerated race
it took 80 cakes to melt in my stomach like snow
and thousands more candles to blow
yet little difference between each did I know
everything stayed the same
never upgraded myself to brand name
another season went, 'nother calendar came
80 years of burnt time
danced about through robotic pantomime
of ignorance seen as bliss
signals constantly missed
 naivete is dangerous as crime
and now
as I wipe my sweating sparse brow
I've got nothing for myself to show
where oh where did my years go?

YOU

YOU shattered my innocence
my childhood, and adolescence
..caused detrimental results
lost forever, my trust in adults
my sunny world was destroyed
with my vulnerability you toyed
my little bubble of bliss was burst
my future eternally cursed
you crushed my tender spirit
you forbade me to say you did it
whenever you'd inch close to my seat
Or our eyes would meet
my heart would rapidly beat
for fear you would repeat..
confusion rage & agony would haunt
in the mirror remained only a shadow so gaunt
of my previous self, happy and pure
now tainted by scars impossible to cure
years after it happened your image still vivid
making me wanna replace u with the angel of death, so livid
& if you don't die, I wonder, if a knife would suffice
your ill-used fingers to chop and slice
you've your blood-stained hands misused
a broken child to abuse
ruined a human's desire to live
sinned in a way that nothing can forgive
you opened my eyes to dangerous rays
exposed me to the grime of your crime filled ways.
you've invaded & raided my private space,
YOU TOUCHED ME in the wrong place.