Why I left

I know they grieve
over my "leave"
but I actually never left.
I was blown
thrown
shown out
gossipped about
for being me
for thinking free.
ostracized
penalized
analyzed
under a disguise
of pity.
I did not fit into the community.
they wonder if I'll return
perhaps their falsehood I'll relearn
to the restriction I'll yearn
but I can't come back
to their attack
retrace my track
when I never left.
I was tossed
bossed
with maps but lost
too much of a cost
to maintain
too difficult to wash my brain
with their logic so insane
so I was sent
to build my own tent
which was meant
to make me realize
my small brain's size
that they were right
but I saw how tight
were those minds
permanently pulled blinds.
started seeing light of day
so I preferred to stay..
they ask when I'll come visit
but I never did exit
I was expelled
screamed at, yelled
repelled
(maybe I smelled..?)
pushed away
hoping my queerness would decay
banished
way before I vanished..
rejected neglected
they wanted to be protected
of my bad influence
our views weren't in congruence.
I was dismissed
dissed
they were pissed
clenched their fist
over my non conformist
deviance.As soon as I was grown
it was time to disown
directed to the door
treated with medicine of ignore
unconditional hate
refused to abate
that would be my fate
until I repent- if not too late.
I was gone
done
acknowledged by none
around them but alone
My presence a shadow
Same whether I'd come or go
they claim I'm "there"
but I'm right here
of a return ticket bereft
cuz I never left.